10 week update

Do you hear angels singing? We do. We slept 10 hours last night. That is right, 10 glorious hours!!

8:30-6:30.

Let me just tell you it was a much needed 10 hours of sleep too. Mama bear got hit with an unfortunate "episode" Saturday night and Papa Bear had to be Mister mom, so sleep was what the doctor ordered.

Hollings is becoming more and more content. Worth said "imagine that, a woman who is content". I will let that comment slide. There is just something changing about her, and I love it. She is smiling so much more and a lot now. We can put her down and she can chill out in her bouncy seat for awhile. She loves to coo and for people to talk to her. She imitates sounds. Her smile is outstanding. It is so bright and warm. I just love her curly little lips.

We still have our moments of screaming and unhappiness but they are much more stretched out and don't last as long.

We are so thankful for this little precious baby girl.

Just look at these smiles, aren't they amazing!

Great expectations

In talking through my frustrations last night at dinner with Worth and Bill about the little girls, in particular BellaRose, I realized that I have very high expectations of BellaRose. How unfair of me to expect BellaRose to sit perfectly still at dinner, and to have manners all the time, and for her not to want to bounce off of the walls. For goodness sakes, she will be 3 in one month, how can I expect so much from her. I can teach and train her, but how can I expect her to get it right away. She really is reacting just like we all want to, she just has the freedom to do so because of her age. I don't want to dampen her spirit. Her spirit is fresh and alive. As her mother I need to nurture that and focus her energy. My sister, Kelly, told me to be aware of expecting too much out of her once Hollings comes. All of the sudden BellaRose will seem so much older, and she did. She speaks so well and so clearly that I think she is older then she is, but she is only 3. My sweet little girl is 3!

We are training BellaRose, teaching her over time. I can't expect her to "get it" right away. I need to allow her to be 3.

I have to explain to you these pictures. She got her school pictures taken recently. I was not going to order them because I revolt against the cheesy staged Olan Mills type pictures. It is against my very nature as a photographer to like these pictures. Well once I saw BellaRose's very first school pictures I had to get them. One, because they were her first and what a bad mom if I did not get them, and two, they were just hysterical. I will scan them in soon to show you. One of them had her hands up to her face like she is imitating here. It just makes me laugh thinking about what they told her to get her to do the picture.

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Easter Goodness

We had a really nice Easter. It was good to have something to celebrate after so much heart ache from the previous week. My friend Jennifer gave me a card and she wrote that she imagines Heaven to be a big party at Easter and Grandma was just in time. Grandma sure did love a party.

I tried to steer clear of a lot of candy in BellaRose's easter basket and stick with things that she might love or might mean something to her. She made my car's cd player a piggy bank so I thought a real piggy bank would do her good. She is obsessed with chapstick so some lip smakers were perfect until it was gooping off her face and now they are put away. Girl loves puzzles and crayons so a puzzle that you color, what could be better! The shirt I just thought was cute. I love this picture of BellaRose because this is what she picked out to wear. No Easter Bonnet for her.

Sweet 7 week old Hollings who has a major ear infection in this picture and we had no idea. Poor little thing! She had a completely inconsolable night on Sunday and I took her to the doctor that morning. There was a scare it could be meningitis on top of the ear infection but thankfully it was only an ear infection! I never thought I would be happy for that, but I sure was.

Oh goodness, these Will and BellaRose pictures can melt your heart. Annie got BelleRose this dress when she was just born and it is now fitting her. It is so cute. She was so excited to put it on when I told her it was from Annie.

The egg hunt

I could eat her up, I love her so

Thank you all for your kind words to me and my family about Grandma. We all read every comment you wrote and you helped ease the pain. Thank you for the flowers, and the help, and just the plain old love you have sent my way. I am forever grateful to you.

This is the one photograph I wanted from Grandma's room. To me Angela looks so much like her. I love her mischievous smile and her relaxed look. Who knew she would live to be 95 and raise a whole herd of people. I look at that picture and wonder where she was and what she was thinking. I hope she was at some dance being courted by beautiful men, but she only had eyes for my Poppy. It is neat to see pictures of older people when they were younger. They have a whole long life ahead of them. It makes me wonder what my life ahead of me will be like and what my grandchildren will think when they look at a picture of me from younger years. I hope I get to 95 too.

This world is not our home

"For we know that when this earthly tent we live in is taken down-when we die and leave these bodies-we will have a home in heaven, an eternal body made for us by God Himself and by human hands. We grow weary in our present bodies, and we long for the day when we will put on our heavenly bodies like new clothing. For we will not be spirits without bodies, but we will put on new heavenly bodies. Out dying bodies make us groan and sigh, but it's not that we want to die and have no bodies at all. We want to slip into our new bodies so that the dying bodies will be swallowed up by everlasting life. God Himself has prepared us for this, and as a guarantee he has given us his Holy Spirit" 2 cor. 5:1-5

I am not sure where to begin this post. I know it needs to be done, for me to get these words out, to tell you about my grandma. It is hard to see the screen through my tears but you must know about this amazing woman, my grandma, Rose Mascaro. She has passed from this life, and my heart is heavy and I am so broken by this. My Grandma was in a lot of ways my hero. I love her so deeply and she has impacted me so tremendously. I went to Atlanta a week and half ago to say goodbye to her and for her to meet Hollings and hold her. It was the hardest thing I have ever done, but I am so grateful for that chance to tell this woman how much she means to me and to my whole family. She would light up when she saw Hollings. She held for almost 30 minutes and sang songs to her. I will forever hold that memory in my heart and tell Hollings about that magical moment. My Grandma passed away on Tuesday and we had her funeral yesterday. I can't believe she is gone, I can't believe I won't call her again and hear her say "hi honey" or her call and ask how her babies are, meaning my girls. I took for granted her age of 95 and her looks, she never looked 95 not one minute, but her body was 95 and she was hurting and I know she is better but it does not ease the pain I feel right now.

Grandma, I hope you and Poppy are dancing to Bing Crosby, Dean Martin, and Frank Sinatra right now with Aunt Patty watching. I hope you even get to sing with them. I hope Poppy has on the fanciest suit and you have on the most gorgeous dress. I hope you back does not hurt and your fingers are nimble. Maybe they will even sing "She's a brick house" like you and Poppy danced to at Angela's wedding. You defied the odds and the doctor's daily. You sunned that gorgeous Italian skin and left this world with hardly a wrinkle. When you made your world famous meatballs, that we would all fight tooth and nail for, you tasted the raw meat to make sure the ingredients were right and never once got sick. You were a child of the depression and because of that no food could ever be thrown away and if it were you called it a sin. Whenever bread gets moldy around my house I think of you and feel guilty for tossing it in the trash. I have pizzelles in my freezer that I can't eat or throw out because it was from the last patch you ever made me. Your hands that touched so many and made so much food and raised a whole family four generations deep will forever be my favorite hands. Your hands that were always perfectly manicured and usually painted silver. Your smile was brilliant and I will continue to see it when Angela smiles, who looks just like you. I am forever grateful to have named BellaRose after you. I pray she carries on your strength and stubbornness and the way you affect people. People long to be in your presence and hear your stories. I have never seen anyone who did not meet you and not fall instantly in love with you. One of Worth's favorite stories of you is when you told him you were going smack the shit out of him if he made the coffee wrong. You said this with a twinkle in your eye and laughter in your voice. We all laughed because we knew it was true.

You will continue to live through this family, through your sons, and your grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Through our smiles and laughter and tears. My heart is broken in a million pieces right now and I can't wait for the day that I get to hold your hands again and hug and kiss you. Until then I will hold you in my heart and do everything I can to make you proud!

I love you my Grandma.

94th birthday

95th birthday

You with my sweet Hollings.